The Four Tendencies Will Change the Way You See Yourself & Others

The Four Tendencies

Make Life Easier

This week, we’re talking about The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. It’s a phenomenal framework for thinking about people and personalities!

One of my digital mentors, Gretchen Rubin

Gretchen Rubin is a happiness researcher and podcast host living in New York City.

She’s the host of the podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin (my favorite podcast!), as well as the author of a number of books. This includes one of her latest books The Four Tendencies, which we’re talking about this week!

What are The Four Tendencies?

• The Four Tendencies are Gretchen Rubin’s framework for how folks deal with expectations
• Looks at whether inner and outer expectations are met or resisted
• Only describes expectations (and not other facets of life)
• They are: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel

1. Upholder: Meets outer & inner expectations

19% of people

Discipline is my freedom.

• Strengths
  • Someone who does the things they’ve said they would
  • Sticks to deadlines
  • Self-motivated & self-starter
  • Reliable & thorough
• Weaknesses
  • Someone who can be inflexible & rigid
  • Seen as uptight
  • Impatient with folks who don’t meet outer expectations
• Dealing with
  • They get things done
  • They can be counted on
  • Sometimes need to be reminded that others don’t always meet expectations like they do
  • May have trouble delegating

2. Questioner: Resists outer & meets inner expectations

24% of people

I’ll comply — if you convince me why.

• Strengths
  • Efficiency & effectiveness are key
  • Data-driven
  • Rejects doing things because that’s the way they’ve always been done
  • Fair minded because they weigh the evidence
• Weaknesses
  • Over-questioning can lead to analysis-paralysis
  • Don’t like being questioned themselves
  • Impatient with others, especially folks who don’t simply accept their reasoning
• Dealing with
  • Bring data, reason, and research
  • Remember that it’s in their nature to ask lots of questions. It’s usually not meant to be uncooperative.
  • They hate anything arbitrary
  • They resist tradition for the sake of tradition (because that’s the way we’ve always done it will most likely be met with So what? Why?)

3. Obliger: Meets outer & resists inner expectations

41% of people (largest group)

You can count on me, and I’m counting on you to count on me.

• Strengths
  • Works well in teams
  • Readily gets things done for others
  • Seen as responsible
• Weaknesses
  • Can easily get burned out if too much is expected
  • Exploitable if without boundaries (e.g., a boss who demands too much)
  • Overwork can lead to obliger-rebellion
• Dealing with
  • External accountability is huge! A spouse, relative, partner, or group can be the key.
  • They need deadlines
  • Others sometimes see their need for external accountability as weakness. It’s not! It’s just the way they are. Learn to use this as an advantage.
  • Don’t expect too much. When overworked, they can rebel.

4. Rebel: Resists outer & inner expectations

17% of people / Smallest group

You can’t make me,  and neither can I.

• Strengths
  • Independent
  • Will ditch norms
  • Creative / out-of-the-box thinking
  • Good understanding of themselves
• Weaknesses
  • Can be uncooperative / inconsiderate
  • Consistency can be an issue
  • So can routines and planning
  • Can be restless
• Dealing with
  • They value choice, integrity, identity
  • They’ll naturally resist things that are asked of them
  • Appeal to sense of identity: Good parents do X. If they see themselves as a good parent, they’ll comply.
  • Good at delegating

Discover your tendency

• If you’re curious about your tendency, take Gretchen Rubin’s quiz!
• You can find it by clicking here

What’s my tendency?

• Based on this podcast alone, it’s pretty obvious that I’m a Questioner
• I love to… well… ask questions!
• Optimization and data are my favorite!
• I tend to tip toward upholder, but I can occasionally tip a bit toward rebel too

How to use this framework: Some additional resources

• Take the quiz
• Grab the flash evaluation & start working out others’ tendencies (you’ll need to scroll down and click the link)
• Read the book!
• Listen to the episodes of Happier, her podcast, where she talks about the tendencies:
  • #35: Upholder
  • #36: Questioner
  • #37: Obliger
  • #38: Rebel

Google Search Hacks

Make Work Easier

In the spirit of my Questioner tendency, I thought I’d share a quick life hack for better Google searches:

1. Exact match

Put your search in quotes to force google to search for that exact phrase.

• Tallest building vs. “Tallest building in Chicago”

2. Eliminate keywords

If you’re getting results you don’t want, try eliminating keywords using the minus sign (-).

• Keto pizza vs. Keto pizza -cauliflower (eliminates results with “cauliflower”)
• Apple vs. Apple -fruit (eliminates “fruit”, likely forcing Google to focus on Apple the company)

3. Require keywords

If you want to guarantee that a specific keyword is in your results, add a plus sign (+)

• Keto pizza vs. Keto pizza +cauliflower (all search results will have “cauliflower” in them)
• Apple vs. Apple +fruit (search results will have “fruit” in them)